


Promises That Were Never Made

by euphoria814, TheDragon



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Romance, Druids, M/M, Magic Revealed, Misunderstandings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-12-29
Updated: 2016-12-29
Packaged: 2018-09-13 00:57:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,815
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9098503
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoria814/pseuds/euphoria814, https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheDragon/pseuds/TheDragon
Summary: His feet were moving before he realised what he was doing. He walked out from behind Arthur’s throne and around the table to stand in front of the whole Court. His hands were shaking when he looked at his King. Arthur looked shocked, and while this gave him a bit of satisfaction, it didn’t help to lessen his nervousness at all.“I’m Emrys,” he said loudly, trying to get himself under control.“Stop trying to be funny, Merlin,” Arthur snorted. “Go back to your place,” he added.“The Druids call me Emrys. It’s me you’re looking for,” he repeated stubbornly, but he knew that Arthur would need something more convincing than his words to believe him.He stretched out his hand, wondering what to create to prove the truth of his words, but a ball of fire was enough for an expression of pure horror to appear on Arthur’s face.





	

**Author's Note:**

  * For [euphoria814](https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoria814/gifts).
  * A translation of [Obietnice, których nie złożono](https://archiveofourown.org/works/6832849) by [euphoria814](https://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoria814/pseuds/euphoria814). 



> I'd like to thank [euphoria814](http://archiveofourown.org/users/euphoria814/pseuds/euphoria814/) for giving me permission to translate this absolute work of art, as well as my beta, [schweet_heart](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schweet_heart/pseuds/schweet_heart/), for taking the time to look this over and correct all the mistakes I made.

Merlin wasn’t entirely certain where the change had come from. Arthur had become much more restless after Agravaine had shown up in Camelot to help him rule for the first few years. Uther had died suddenly, leaving behind chaos that they managed to get a handle on only thanks to the remaining Knights. When Arthur had taken the throne, Merlin had been certain that would be  been the end of their problems. Kilgharrah had constantly talked about the prophecy, and it had been fulfilled. Arthur had been making extremely wise decisions, and, with his uncle by his side, he had created  laws that were respected by all. But the question of allowing magic into Camelot had gone unanswered, and if Merlin could ask for anything after all these years, it would be to finally feel safe.

“You’re more silent than usual,” he said, feeling uncomfortable.

He’d gotten used to Arthur telling him all about his problems. Of course, he could assume that the wrinkles on Arthur’s face had been caused by the council meeting and the crops that were meant to be brought to Camelot in the future, but he’d prefer to hear it from Arthur’s own lips.

“Agravaine,” Arthur replied curtly.

Despite himself, Merlin tensed. Arthur’s uncle rarely appeared in the citadel, but he never failed to make a lasting impression on Merlin. Agravaine was gloomy, but that may have had something to do with the fact that he’d lost his only sister years ago, and Arthur apparently took after her. It couldn’t have been easy looking at him. At first, Merlin had assumed that Agravaine would try to hurt Arthur, but his advice was always worth its weight in gold. He didn’t trust the man, but he supposed that would come  with time. Not many approached Arthur without evil intentions, and the amount of dangers they faced grew with each passing year. It was hard for him to believe that the next few months would be peaceful now that Uther was dead.

“Is he returning to his lands?” Merlin asked curiously.

“No,” Arthur replied, giving him a wry smile. “I need him,” he admitted honestly, and Merlin pretended that those words didn’t hurt him at all.

Arthur never said that so openly about him. Maybe he didn't spend all his time thinking about servants, but Merlin liked to think that, sometimes, he was useful for more than just bringing breakfast. Arthur did sometimes discuss Camelot’s problems with him.

“Agravaine has a certain idea,” Arthur said carefully. “I’m not sure I like it.”

Merlin looked at him questioningly and waited, but Arthur merely waved his hand as though he was driving away an unwanted thought.

“It’s nothing that should trouble you. Have you readied my tunic for tonight?” he asked crisply.

Merlin rolled his eyes. His tasks had become much easier now that the only colour Arthur wore was red.

~oOo~

The gossip began gradually. At first, the cook claimed that one of Agravaine’s maids heard that the King wanted to lift the ban on magic. It was so sudden and so unlikely that at first Merlin didn’t believe it. Arthur would definitely have told him, or at least asked him what he thought about it. They’d had enough arguments on the topic. He couldn’t believe he wouldn’t be the first person Arthur would talk to about such a fundamental change. He knew that Arthur respected his father, that it was hard for Arthur to do everything to please him. He wouldn’t lift Uther’s ban without a good reason.

And then he heard about Emrys, who was apparently hiding in the citadel, protecting Arthur through all these years, and it sent a shiver down his spine. Whoever was spreading this gossip knew more than they should. Maybe they’d talked to the Druids, or even knew the prophecy. Merlin wasn’t completely sure that the news should make him happy. He didn’t want this kind of solution. If Arthur had decided to lift the ban because of his mysterious protector, everything would finally start to make sense. Still, he wasn’t absolutely sure that Arthur really wanted to know the truth. Or at least not in this way.

“What’s with that face you’re making?” Arthur asked, entering his chamber. “Did Gaius send you to look for herbs in a swamp? Have you not been able to get rid of the leeches?”

Merlin shot a glance at the muddy legs of his breeches. Maybe he really should have changed clothes before returning to Arthur’s chambers, but the gossip was making him anxious.

“Do you really want to lift the ban on magic?” he asked in disbelief.

Arthur didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“It was Agravaine’s idea,” he  said simply. “He thinks that it would be  a good way to introduce a new ruler to the kingdom.”

Merlin pursed his lips, a bit hurt.

“If you had asked me, I would have told you the same thing,” he said, unable to help himself.

It was what the Druids wanted, as well as most of the people who were currently living in fear. The suspicion of magic was no longer punished, but very often residents of the town decided to move to some small town, where Uther’s knights weren’t looking for sorcerers. More arrived in their place, tempted by what could be found in the capital.

Arthur looked at him oddly.

“I thought you weren’t too fond of magic,” he began carefully.

“I wouldn’t mind if it bothered us less in the future, but magic…” he broke off, not knowing how to say what he wanted. “It’s your decision anyway. If you want to give people freedom, then there’s nothing better.”

“Stop behaving like a girl, Merlin. My people aren’t enslaved,” Arthur remarked. “Your romantic ideals make absolutely no sense in this situation.”

“You know that’s not what I meant,” he mumbled.

“Of course not. And the tears in your eyes must be a trick of the light. Have you been reading some of Morgana’s romance stories again? You can tell me,” Arthur said. “Your secret is safe with me,” he added, and Merlin tensed once again.

He knew it was only a joke, but everything in him had been simmering since the first time he heard that Camelot might once again become a free city. He wasn’t sure why Agravaine was doing this; after all, his sister had died because of magic, but everyone had the capacity to change. Arthur was an excellent example of that. Not too long ago, he’d expressed hatred towards sorcerers, but now they were discussing magic calmly and without anyone shouting that they should be cutting off more heads.

“Merlin,” Arthur murmured, reading his silence wrongly.

Arthur hadn’t been able to hurt him with his stupid jokes for a long time.

~oOo~

The next bit of gossip brought with it wonder. He wasn’t sure where it was all coming from, but George confirmed it while they were readying a big, open feast. Apparently, Arthur was going to summon Emrys to stand before his throne because he wanted to know his identity. The King was becoming quieter and quieter with each passing day. Arthur never let his fear or nervousness show, but he had a tendency to become distant. Merlin was never sure what went through his head at those times, but Arthur never went back on his word, and that brought Merlin hope. He himself wasn’t yet sure whether he would ever tell Arthur that it was he who had been practicing magic in Camelot all these years. Doing this in front of all of the residents of the citadel seemed inappropriate. Arthur might  feel grateful to Emrys, but he had never seen Merlin as his ally.

Merlin had never been strong enough to stand by his side. When Arthur thought of people who’d helped him, he thought of the Knights and Gwen. Arthur reminded Merlin often enough that Merlin tended to accidentally find himself in one place or another and should hide. He’d saved him from many dangers, which was not something that weighed in Merlin’s favour.

Merlin observed as wooden daises were brought in before Arthur’s throne in the courtyard. The tables would be full of food, which was enough cause for a celebration all on its own. This was good. The change would bring joy — he felt that in his bones. His magic was singing, and for the first time he seriously began to consider what it would be like to parade around as a well-known sorcerer — as Emrys. The Druids respected him, and the prophecy clearly stated that he wasn’t an outcast, but one of the most important people. Arthur might  not agree with that for a while, but in the end he would be forced to accept that his manservant wasn’t  a nobody. And that he wasn’t  an idiot. Maybe he’d even stop treating Merlin the way he did, although that would be a miracle. Merlin believed in personal development and growth, but he didn’t believe in miracles. Magic could cause them, but it had its limits.

~oOo~

Gaius seemed to be just as nervous as he was. Everyone seemed to be waiting for the daisies to be placed, the throne positioned, and the food cooked. Merlin’s stomach felt like it was becoming more twisted by the second and he couldn’t eat, and he doubted that that would change anytime in the future. He hadn’t seen Arthur in a while. The King was busy meeting with the Council, training the Knights, and having private conversations with Agravaine. Merlin would have felt pushed to the side, but the last was the reason for the change he’d been waiting for for such a long time. Kilgharrah spoke about the prophecy and his role in Arthur’s life in riddles. He couldn’t always stand by the King’s side as his servant and spend the rest of his life filling his tub with water and washing his clothes. He’d gotten used to those duties, and he’d even become Arthur’s friend — at least, that’s what their relationship seemed like to him, because Arthur didn’t treat him differently. He still insulted him and called him a girl. His jokes were never-ending, but Merlin had already heard all of them and no longer let them hurt him as much. Especially now that he knew that, despite his many flaws, Arthur really cared about the people who surrounded him. The people had faith in him, and so did Merlin.

He couldn’t help but to think about how far they’d come.

~oOo~

The courtyard was full. People were laughing and talking, not paying any attention to the fact that all the different classes had become integrated. Farmers, a few merchants who had accidentally shown up in Camelot and were probably going to bring news of what was happening in Camelot to other kingdoms, nobles — they had all wandered out onto the street, and Merlin was observing them from the room in Arthur’s chambers. The King hadn’t showed up yet, but he was sure that Arthur would want to wear one of the red tunics that filled his wardrobe. Merlin had thought about it hard, but he couldn’t find a good moment to have an honest conversation with Arthur. He didn’t want to surprise him because he knew just how much Arthur disliked that. Arthur always considered significant changes in his life to end in betrayal. It wasn’t his distrust that was at fault. Up to this point, secrets did mean something terrible was going on around him and against him.

Arthur showed up in his chambers at the last moment. Agravaine entered right behind him, wearing the heavy, dark armour he rarely took off. Merlin doubted he slept in it, but he wouldn’t put it past him.

He opened his mouth to ask what to do, but Agravaine pointed to the door, and a glance at Arthur told him that he wouldn’t be allowed to remain inside. Before the door closed behind him, he heard raised voices, though it was hard for him to differentiate specific words. Whatever the cause of their argument, it didn’t last long, and Arthur abruptly walked out of his chambers wearing a fresh tunic, almost causing him to fall.

“If you keep eavesdropping, I’ll order the guards to hang you up by your ears, and they’re already long as they are, Merlin,” Arthur growled.

“Cutting off his ears would work much better,” Agravaine added, passing by him.

Merlin glared at Arthur, trying to look as angry as possible, but that wasn’t easy considering that Arthur was looking so unsure of himself. He’d never seen that expression on Arthur’s face before, and the thought that Arthur might simply be scared of magic had never crossed his mind. After all, he’d never seen it used for good, and the stories he’d been hearing since his childhood must have terrified him. Uther had seen only evil in magic, and because of that, he’d brought it to Camelot almost every year.

“Everything will be fine,” Merlin said calmly.

Arthur didn’t seem convinced, but at least his expression changed back into the emotionless mask Merlin knew so well.

“Of course it will,” Arthur muttered. “Why wouldn’t it be?”

“Imagine the scandal if anyone found out that the King of Camelot feared magic,” Merlin added.

“You’re an idiot,” Arthur informed him. “And I’m not afraid of magic. We’ve survived worse,” he added, then he turned on his heel and began to make his way to the small group of his best Knights, who were supposed to accompany them to the courtyard.

Merlin should have stood with them.

“Hey, wait!” he shouted, but Arthur didn’t slow down.

Arthur’s laughter rang in his ears.

~oOo~

The feast was accompanied by music. They hadn’t planned on there being any musicians, but the citizens of Camelot had brought their own bards, who made their time much more pleasant with their singing. Merlin, however, saw that despite the fact that everyone was having a good time, the tension wasn’t disappearing from their bodies. People kept glancing at Arthur as though they were wondering when the King would begin his speech. They awaited his words almost as impatiently as they awaited the wine that kept flowing. It was the first real feast since Uther had died, leaving his throne to Arthur.

“Silence! Silence!” Agravaine called out after exchanging a glance with Arthur.

Arthur seemed to be more confident and decided than a few hours ago in the empty corridor in the hall. Merlin gripped the back of Arthur’s throne, clenching his fists and feeling as though his heart would beat its way right out of his chest. Arthur spoke first of the honour that it was to rule over such an amazing kingdom, and then about how important Camelot was to him. Merlin couldn’t wait for the words that were to come after. He froze not a second later, digging his fingers into the throne so hard that they turned white.

“This is why I’m asking Emrys to show himself,” Arthur concluded.

People began looking around, probably waiting for someone to separate themselves from the crowd. Of course, no one did, and the courtyard began to fill with whispers. Arthur’s shoulders tensed when he looked at his uncle.

“Emrys!” he shouted loudly, as though he feared that he hadn’t been heard.

“Don’t you want to add anything more?” Merlin asked him uncertainly.

Arthur didn’t even bother to turn to face him.

“Not before I speak with him,” Arthur informed him.

“But…” Merlin began, but broke off. “What if you don’t really want to know who he is?” he asked, feeling as though his heart had suddenly found itself somewhere near his throat.

“Don’t be stupid. I’ve thought about this long and hard. If I didn’t want to know who he is, I wouldn’t have summoned him,” Arthur declared, voice full of confidence, and obviously not thinking of the consequences his actions would bring.

Merlin, however, saw only them. Gaius tried not to pay attention to him, but when their eyes met, Merlin could see just how nervous he was. He’d never expected that Arthur would make the decision to lift the ban on magic only after having a conversation with someone he assumed not to know. Everything Merlin had had within arm’s reach just a few minutes ago seemed to be drifting away. He knew Arthur well enough to know that he thought this to be public humiliation. Emrys had just shown him that he wasn’t Arthur’s subject and therefore didn’t need to obey his commands.

His feet were moving before he realised what he was doing. He walked out from behind Arthur’s throne and around the table to stand in front of the whole Court. His hands were shaking when he looked at his King. Arthur looked shocked, and while this gave him a bit of satisfaction, it didn’t help to lessen his nervousness at all.

“I’m Emrys,” he said loudly, trying to get himself under control.

“Stop trying to be funny, Merlin,” Arthur snorted. “Go back to your place,” he added.

“The Druids call me Emrys. It’s me you’re looking for,” he repeated stubbornly, but he knew that Arthur would need something more convincing than his words to believe him.

He stretched out his hand, wondering what to create to prove the truth of his words, but a ball of fire was enough for an expression of pure horror to appear on Arthur’s face. He heard people whispering behind him, but it all seemed to be so far away. He only saw Arthur’s shock, which was quickly morphing into the anger he’d been expecting since the beginning. It was why he’d wanted to talk to him privately. Before he’d even started to explain himself, guards began to appear all around him. The swords in their hands left no doubt as to what they were about to do. He looked at Arthur, not even knowing what he was supposed to be feeling. And then it hit him why Arthur had been so restless over the past weeks. He must have been wondering whether or not the trap would work.

“I protected you,” he informed Arthur, who looked down at him, furious.

He didn’t even need to add just what he thought about that protection. Merlin had used magic whenever it was possible. He was too weak to wield a blade.

“And this is how you repay me,” he added, taking a deep breath.

He had nowhere to run. He was surrounded by people, and he wouldn’t be able to make his way through the crowd. At least now he knew why they had all been called here. He was like a caged animal. It was the perfect trap, and Arthur didn’t even need any bars. However, Merlin wasn’t one of the sorcerers who needed to acquire arcane knowledge to draw power from nature.

He wasn’t strong enough to teleport far, but his room in Gaius’s chamber was enough. He transported himself there within the blink of an eye, and heard the crowd’s shouts of surprise through his window. People were running away, likely terrified of his use of magic. He couldn’t help but  feel bitter. He was too weak to do anything now, but he was sure that Gaius’s chambers would be the first to be searched. He ran out of them, headed for the only safe place he knew and hoping that Kilgharrah wouldn’t mind his company.

~oOo~

Agravaine seemed very satisfied with himself and probably perceived this to be their small success. Emrys, mysterious and dangerous, had disappeared from Camelot. Arthur, however, hadn’t seen a hint of danger when he’d stared at a terrified Merlin, who had proceeded to vanish into thin air. The last witch who had done that had later attacked him. Besides that, the thought of the smoke her leaving had brought made him queasy to this day. There had been something evil in her magic, and that had been easy to sense.

Merlin’s disappearance, on the other hand, had been clean. He hadn’t left behind anything other than bitterness, and this Arthur himself felt.

He hadn’t believed what he’d been seeing at first. Merlin had come to stand before him, trembling like a newborn foal, and for a moment, Arthur hadn’t been able to comprehend what that had meant. And then, a ball of fire had begun to float above Merlin’s hand, and it had been proof that for years, he’d been lied to by someone he had considered his friend. Agravaine was right. Emrys was dangerous. He knew all of Arthur’s thoughts, his secrets, and he was an unbelievably good liar.

On the other hand, as he’d stared at Merlin, he had been unable to believe what he’d seen. Merlin had risked so much for him over all these years. He’d allowed Arthur to put him in the stocks despite the fact that he could have freed himself at any moment. He could have killed Arthur whenever he’d wanted. And instead of that, he’d taken care of him.

“This explains everything that has been happening up till now,” he said aloud, realising he’d said something only once the sound of his own voice reached him — empty and emotionless.

“I told you that he wanted to gain your trust. He would have become your advisor, and what then?” Agravaine asked.

Arthur didn’t have an answer to that question, and that was what worried him the most.

Merlin had been his best friend. Not even the Knights had been as close to him as Merlin. Ever since he’d first saved Arthur’s life, they’d become almost inseparable. If Merlin had been planning this since the beginning, Arthur was impressed. They had known each other for years.

He no longer had the chance  to ask any questions. He couldn’t interrogate Merlin — or maybe Emrys, since that’s what the Druids called him.

When Agravaine had come to Camelot, bringing with him news about a magical traitor in their midst, Arthur hadn’t believed him. Who would be stupid enough to show up in a kingdom where magic was outlawed and everyone who used it was beheaded? Merlin, however, seemed to be the perfect answer to that question.

A quiet knock on his door brought him out of his thoughts. Agravaine opened it to let in the Knights, who seemed to be just as agitated as he was. After all, they, too, had spent much time with Merlin, not suspecting him of anything. It wasn’t just _his_  trust that Emrys had broken.

“Have you found him?” his uncle asked roughly.

“No, My Lord. We’ve searched the physician’s chambers,” Leon replied, looking incredibly tired.

Arthur knew the feeling well. Sleep was certain to evade him tonight.

“Gaius is in the dungeons, as you ordered,” Lancelot added, and this drew Arthur’s attention.

“Why is Gaius in the dungeons?!” he asked, terrified.

Lancelot pointedly looked at Agravaine, telling Arthur that it was he who Arthur should turn to in order to get the answer to his question.

“Someone must have been plotting against you, Arthur,” Agravaine said.

“No, not Gaius,” Arthur replied, remembering the kind-hearted old man. “You yourself said that Emrys had deceived us all. Maybe Merlin, or whatever it is they call him, lived with Gaius, but Gaius had been my father’s trusted servant for over twenty years! You are to release him at once,” he ordered.

“Arthur, I understand—” Agravaine began.

“No, you don’t understand,” he interrupted. “Gaius isn’t a traitor. You might just as well accuse me of knowing about Merlin’s magic since he was my servant,” he barked.

Agravaine moved back incrementally.

“Release Gaius from the dungeons, but send him to my chambers. I want to speak with him,” Arthur decided.

~oOo~

Gaius was looking at him with an expression of stoic calm, and if Arthur didn’t know any better, he’d think that there was anger in his eyes. Evidently, he’d been cuffed when he’d been brought to the dungeons, as he was now rubbing his wrinkled wrists.

“Agravaine reacted too rashly,” he said, because apologising for someone’s actions was never a pleasure.

Gaius didn’t even bat an eyelash

“Do you know where Merlin might have gone?” he asked, not bothering to beat around the bush.

Gaius took a deep breath, but didn’t say anything.

“You won’t be punished if you know,” Arthur assured him.

“I have no idea where that poor boy has gone,” Gaius replied, looking very much as though he had something he wanted to say, but was refraining from saying it.

“You were my father’s loyal servant,” Arthur reminded him.

“Your father never lied to or betrayed me,” Gaius informed him dryly, and Arthur knew exactly what he was referring to.

“I never promised that I would lift the ban on magic,” he said. “My uncle may have wanted me to, but only I can make that decision, and I never did.”

“No. Instead, you only let the gossip spread. You let Merlin believe in it,” Gaius stated, and although the tone of his voice hadn’t changed, Arthur could sense the disdain in in.

“I did what was necessary,” he said, not sure why he felt the need to defend himself.

Gaius was only the Court Physician. The nobles had agreed to Agravaine’s plan. He had their full support, and right now, every one of them was looking for Emrys, both within the citadel and outside it.

“Necessary?” Gaius asked, surprised.

“Emrys is a traitor,” Arthur informed him.

Gaius’s eyebrow rose, and Arthur once again felt like a ten-year-old boy being berated for his behaviour.

“You may not see it now. I know that he tried to acquire my trust in order to become my advisor. In the future, he would have brought about Camelot’s ruin. He would have betrayed us all,” he said irritated.

“Oh,” Gaius exclaimed. “You speak of the future, My King?” he ascertained. “About the future that was prophesied? Is that not a form of magic forbidden by Camelot’s laws?”

“Agravaine heard from a witch that there is a great danger in Camelot. She saw the future. She didn’t do it on our lands,” he informed Gaius.

Gaius nodded his head as though he finally understood what Arthur was getting at, but Arthur wasn’t naive enough to believe him.

“Then you’re suggesting that magic is good as long as it’s not used in your kingdom?” Gaius asked innocently. “Are you suggesting, Sire, that a foreign sorcerer is better than your own loyal servant, who saved your life many times?” he added when their eyes met.

Something seemed to shrink within him.

“Then why did he never tell me?” he asked outright.

Gaius didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“Maybe he wanted to keep his head on his shoulders,” Gaius replied, crossing his arms. “If that’s all, Sire, may I return to my chambers? Cleaning up the mess your Knights made will take an eternity that I don’t have,” he added.

Arthur opened his mouth to say, something, but closed it again when he realised that he didn’t know what _to_  say. Gaius seemed to be waiting for a reaction, so he waved his hand in the direction of the door, thinking about everything he had heard.

~oOo~

Sleeping on a hard rock wasn’t something Merlin had ever hoped to do, but at least his head was still attached to his body. Kilgharrah was staring at him, far too close for comfort, and Merlin couldn’t help but to cringe away from him.

“Did the King lie to you as he did to me?” the dragon asked.

They didn’t speak much that night. He was too weak to sit up straight. He fell asleep before he’d realised it. Teleportation always took a significant amount of energy, so he didn’t do it too often. Then, there was also the fact that he couldn’t teleport to places he didn’t know, which meant he couldn’t travel that far at all. Ealdor was too far away, even for someone with his powers.

People must still be looking for him, which didn’t help to lift his mood at all. His stomach was empty and he needed water. His clothes stank of smoke (because of all the torches that had been burning yesterday) and of the food he’d never gotten to taste since he’d always been standing behind Arthur’s throne. He hadn’t been an invited guest. They weren’t friends. He didn’t know how such a stupid thought had even appeared in his head.

“Yes,” he admitted.

“Something isn’t right, Emrys,” the dragon informed him.

“I know. I’m trapped down here with you,” he said, then sighed. “I’ll wait here for a few days, and maybe then I’ll be able to somehow get out of the citadel,” he added.

“You and the King have a shared destiny,” Kilgharrah reminded him.

“You know, I really don’t think the King wants to see me right now,” he laughed, though laughter came hard.

“That matters not,” Kilgharrah said.

“It does to me,” Merlin replied hurriedly. “And you know what?” he added, standing up. “I’ve had enough of this prophecy and everything I have to do for it. The only thanks I get is an axe! I did everything I could to ensure his survival, and when he found out, when he heard the legend of Emrys, he decided to kill me.”

“Something isn’t right,” the dragon repeated stubbornly. “Magic may have deceived him,” he added.

Merlin wanted to laugh.

“He’s not under the influence of a spell,” Merlin stated. “I know because I checked. I haven’t taken my eyes off him since the moment he became the King. I saw with my own two eyes his coronation, and everything was supposed to change! He said that he’d make the decision to lift the ban on magic after meeting Emrys, but apparently I’m not good enough for him considering he decided to chop off my head!” he growled. “I’ve had enough. I’ve had enough of the prophecy, and I’ve had enough of you! I don’t care what Gaius says… Oh gods, Gaius! What if he’s in the dungeons?! They must have put him there. The law goes after those who aid sorcerers as well. And Lancelot knew. If they interrogate him, he won’t lie — he's too noble,” he said, devastated.

Kilgharrah exhaled heated air, almost burning his scalp.

“You must find out who is interfering with your destiny,” the dragon said stubbornly.

Merlin hated him, too.

“No. I need to make sure that Gaius is safe. And then, I’m leaving Camelot. Arthur’s decided,” he informed the dragon.

~oOo~

Agravaine ordered the citadel to be searched. Arthur himself was leading a team that was supposed to search through the surrounding forests. Not too long ago, Merlin had been terrible at hiding, but now, he was nowhere to be found. Apparently, he’d been so good at pretending to be a klutz that Arthur didn’t notice his ability to disappear. His uncle had gone through the houses of Merlin’s friends to make sure that no-one was hiding him. Gwen would have risked it for her friend, that he was certain of. However, they didn’t find a trace of Emrys anywhere. Lancelot and Gwaine had offered to go to Ealdor, but Arthur had a feeling that Merlin would never risk his mother’s life.

Two days passed before they stopped searching. If Merlin was somewhere in the castle, then there was no trace of him. The room he’d occupied till now was empty. Merlin must have gone there right after his magical disappearance, and Arthur felt a bit of satisfaction that that was where he’d directed the guards to go first. At least he knew Merlin that well.

“What will you do once you find him?” Morgana asked during dinner.

Gwen flinched involuntarily and stubbornly kept her eyes off him. He didn’t like the fact that more of his friends were turning on him, but they didn’t know just how great Merlin’s betrayal was. They only saw him as a clumsy boy. However, they had both grown over the last years, and it was hard for him to understand how he could have kept someone like Merlin so close to him for so long.

Despite all this anger, he wasn’t sure what would actually happen when Merlin was captured. He figured that Merlin wouldn’t give himself up without a fight and one of the Knights would probably be forced to kill him. Maybe he was already thinking up his revenge, in which case Arthur would have to be the one to put his sword through Merlin’s chest. None of these thoughts were pleasant. He never would have guessed that a traitor was so close to him.

“This isn’t a good topic to discuss during a meal,” Agravaine said, and Arthur was grateful for the fact that he spoke up.

They’d returned to the citadel late at night, and his body still ached after the journey. During it, he couldn’t stop himself from turning around to look behind him. Merlin had never been too good a rider and has always fallen behind. If his Knights had noticed his behaviour, no-one had said a thing.

“Why?” Morgana asked. “Death in Camelot is a quotidian occurrence.”

“Don’t say that,” he said, but Morgana turned her stormy glare upon him.

“Did you think you’re so different from Uther?” she asked outright. “I thought that you were different. And yet you hate just like he did,” she added.

“Morgana,” he barked. “I don’t hate magic.”

“No?” she asked, attempting to look innocent. “Is that why you tricked an innocent boy, who saved your life time and time again and served you for all these years without a word of complaint?” she asked curiously.

“Without a word of complaint? Are you mad? He opened his mouth to complain on every occasion!” he snorted, then froze when he realised that he was starting to miss Merlin’s whining.

He was already turning to look over his right shoulder to see Merlin’s reaction. However, he wasn’t there, and George filled his goblet with wine almost instantly.

When he looked back at Morgana, she seemed very satisfied.

“You shouldn’t trouble your mind with men’s problems,” Agravaine said. “You don’t know just how much this boy has betrayed us.”

“No, I don’t know,” she admitted. “Maybe you’d like to explain it to us, Sir Agravaine,” she added dryly.

His uncle pursed his lips, then took another sip of wine.

“Enough of this. You’re forgetting that I've already made my decision,” said Arthur, deciding that the time had come to finish the discussion.

“Yes, and only you will have to face its consequences,” Morgana replied. “Now excuse me, My Lords. Men’s problems are so exhausting,” she added, looking at them pointedly.

Gwen followed right behind her, holding herself so rigidly that one would think that the both of them were ladies.

~oOo~

Gaius was fine. Merlin has searched the dungeons after the sun had set and he hadn’t found anyone even the least bit similar to Gaius. He began to feel a lot better when he stole some food from the guards, and disappeared before anyone realised that he was still in the castle. He changed his appearance to that of a beggar. No-one paid any attention to those, and he hoped to soon be thrown out of Camelot by the guards.

He saw Gaius in the early morning, when he left to look for herbs. After that, he’d begun to distribute his creams and potions, which meant that Arthur hadn’t appointed him another assistant yet. Maybe it was supposed to be punishment for hiding him for all this time, but Merlin wasn’t sure.

Gaius didn’t recognise him. Just like Gwen, who didn’t even notice him. He heard that Arthur had sent two Knights to Ealdor, and felt relieved when it turned out that Lancelot was one of them. He was certain that his mother was safe. Lancelot wouldn’t let anything bad happen to her. That helped to lift his mood.

He began to feel bad again when Arthur, along with a few others, got onto their horses and began a hunt for a different kind of animal. At least, that’s what Agravaine called it, and Merlin once again started to hate him. If it hadn’t been for him, nothing would have changed, and all of a sudden he began to long for the times when he could just get up in the morning and worry about nothing except the temperature of Arthur’s bath water and the condition of his armour. Even the griffin didn’t seem like that big of a problem anymore.

The smell of his clothes was less than pleasant. He smeared his face with dirt to look similar to those who’d lost their homes. Kilgharrah had wanted to stop him, but Merlin couldn’t see a place for himself in Camelot anymore. Now, not only did he have to hide his magic, but also his face. He didn’t even know what he was supposed to call himself anymore. “Merlin” was the only name he wanted to bear. The Druids called him Emrys, but he’d lost faith that he was really him. Arthur didn’t at all resemble the King he’d imagined.

He returned to the cave for the night. Kilgharrah appeared almost instantly, waiting for news.

“Gaius is safe,” he simply stated.

“Your King might need your help,” the dragon informed him.

Merlin didn’t reply. He lay down on the hard rock, trying not to think about the cold that was seeping through his skin, right into his bones.

~oOo~

The searches brought no results. The Knights who’d come with Agravaine didn’t know Camelot’s traditions. They were trained differently and didn’t want to listen to Leon. They didn’t accept Camelot’s authority, which Arthur hadn’t liked since the beginning. His uncle, however, planned to return to his own lands once they caught Emrys. He’d come to protect him and bring him news. Arthur didn’t know why wasn’t feeling grateful. A few days ago, he couldn’t wait to capture the sorcerer who had dared to live in Camelot. However, he couldn’t think about Emrys and picture an honest, always willing to joke around Merlin. It seemed as though he was thinking about two different people, and Merlin’s last words kept appearing in his nightmares.

Morgana had refused to eat meals with him, and Gwen had stopped talking to him. There were whispers that Emrys had left, and that it meant that hard times were upon Camelot. But these people didn’t know the prophecy. Arthur was a King, and it was his duty to protect them even from  the dangers they didn’t know about, at all costs. The loss of a such a good friend hurt, but his betrayal was what had cut deep into Arthur’s heart.

Lancelot and Gwaine still hadn’t returned, though they were supposed to have arrived at the castle two days ago. Agravaine had declared that Emrys was no longer in Camelot, and Arthur was left with no choice but to believe the truth of those words. The citadel had been combed from top to bottom, and no-one would have been able to stay hidden. Maybe Merlin had made a stop in his room in order to grab his books about magic, and then had transported himself beyond the walls of the castle, where he’d then disappeared into the night. Sorcerers had great power — at least, that’s what he thought. That trick, disappearing, couldn’t have been easy. Gaius had, however, told him that Merlin wasn’t a very teachable student, not even when it came to herbs, making Arthur doubt that Merlin had spent his nights studying magic. Arthur didn’t know who to believe.

“Your Knights have returned, Sire,” George informed him the next evening.

Even here, the sound of hooves against the stone in the courtyard could be heard. Lancelot and Gwaine pushed back their hoods and looked around curiously before getting off their horses.  With no further delay, he began to make his way in their direction. He wanted news. They hadn’t brought a prisoner with them, but he hadn’t expected that to happen. If Merlin’s mother knew what was going on with her son, she certainly wouldn’t say anything, but his Knights had taken with them enough gold to bribe the whole of Ealdor.

He walked to them hurriedly, letting his cape trail behind him. The courtyard was almost empty, if you didn’t count Agravaine’s Knights and a few guards on the walls. It was too late for anyone to be out and about.

“What news do you bring?” he asked outright.

Gwaine removed a bag of gold from where it was attached to his saddle. Lancelot looked at him pointedly, and Gwaine added a second bag to the first, rolling his eyes. No-one had taken any money from them, or maybe they just hadn’t had anything to pay for. Though Merlin had probably avoided Ealdor, and they had just worried his mother, which was  something Arthur honestly felt bad for.

“No one’s heard of him there,” Lancelot informed him. “We asked about Emrys, but no-one knew of that name,” he added.

Merlin had said that that was what the Druids called him, so maybe he had hidden amongst them. Maybe this plan had been made twenty years ago, and had only been acted upon now, since they had a chance to get revenge on someone who hadn’t experienced the evil of magic on his own skin, like Arthur’s father.

“Merlin wouldn’t have gone to Ealdor,” Gwaine said. “You know him,” he added, looking at him pointedly.

Agravaine joined them, accompanied by his men.

“Any traces of Emrys?” he asked.

“No,” Arthur admitted. “I think we can assume that he’s far away from here,” he added.

Agravaine seemed satisfied with the conversation, and before Arthur realised what was happening, he removed his sword from its sheath and moved to stand right in front of him. Lancelot and Gwaine were standing at the ready, but they were surrounded by a squadron of knights.

“What is the meaning of this?!” he growled, irritated.

“I don’t think you’re stupid enough not to have realised,” Agravaine snorted, moving forward.

Arthur blocked a blow from his sword, moving to avoid another coming in from the side.

“Emrys was only an obstacle to overcome in order to defeat you,” his uncle informed him. “And now you’re left to your own devices. Surrender, and your death will be quick.”

“Have you gone mad?!” he asked. “I’m your King, your sister’s son!” he reminded him.

“No. You’re the parasite that killed her. The son of the man I gave her to, and he…” Agravaine broke off, putting more force behind his blows. “And he gave up her life for a child, so that he would have an heir. It wasn’t magic that killed her, but the two of you,” Agravaine growled, although his words might have only been meant to break Arthur’s concentration.

Arthur, however, wasn’t called the best Knight in Albion for nothing. Lancelot wasn’t bleeding yet, but Gwaine had a cut on his cheek that would scar if they survived this fight. The guards had joined them, but they weren’t Arthur’s chosen Knights. He looked on as they fell to the ground, one after another. Neither Leon nor Percival were in the city, but instead in a faraway forest, looking for the escapee. He really regretted that they weren’t by his side.

Agravaine must have planned this. He must have waited until Arthur, having succumbed to thoughts of revenge, had divided his people. Maybe he was lucky that Lancelot and Gwaine had returned. Or maybe they were the affirmation that he was defenceless in the citadel, lacking Emrys’s magical protection. Emrys, whom he himself had chased out. The memory of Merlin came back. He would have it in his head as he died.

He saw a sword coming towards his ribs and he knew that he wouldn’t be able to defend himself. He had almost readied himself for the blow, tensing his muscles, but it never came. A whirlwind of dust rose in the courtyard, and then his attackers were blown back. A few of them hit the walls so hard that he heard the sound of their necks breaking. Agravaine was looking in the direction of the castle, terrified, and Arthur knew that the figure he would see there would be familiar.

“It’s Merlin!” Gwaine laughed, as though that brought him an immeasurable amount of relief.

Merlin was standing with his hands stretched out in front of him. His eyes were glowing gold, and he tensed when he realised that he was being observed. He turned on his heel, but Arthur wouldn’t let him disappear yet again.

“Grab him!” he shouted,

Lancelot looked at him with a strange sort of determination in his expression, then turned in Agravaine’s direction despite the fact that Gwaine already had his sword at his throat.

“Merlin,” Arthur clarified.

“I’m sorry, Sire. I thought you were talking about the traitor,” Lancelot said, choosing his words carefully.

Arthur just shook his head, because Merlin was certainly far away by now.

~oOo~

Kilgharrah seemed satisfied with the situation, as though every attack on Arthur further showed how essential Merlin was to him. Merlin, on the other hand, had heard Arthur’s last words before he’d disappeared into the corridors. Being stealthy was easy when he changed his appearance. No-one paid any attention to beggars, and thanks to that, he had access to the whole of Camelot. In the worst case, he’d end up in the dungeons, but even then, at least he’d get a warm meal. He snuck out at night to eat something. The residents of the castle didn’t throw many coins into his hat, and he didn’t have enough to buy even single good meal. If he visited Gwen, she would definitely feed him, but he didn’t want to put her at risk. He was under the impression that Arthur was observing every single one of his friends, just waiting to find an accomplice.

So far, no one had ended up in the dungeons, but it could be only a matter of days. He didn’t want to see Gaius or Gwen beheaded. Lancelot would almost certainly be banished, and the titles he’d  earned honourably would be taken from him. He’d never thought that he would bring so much misfortune to the people he loved and respected, but he really should have thought about that before he’d befriended them. Now, everyone was a suspect.

His mother had told him about the first purge, when people had given up their neighbours and even their family members. Uther had been merciless. The smallest suspicion, and one would find themselves under the executioner’s axe. Blood had flowed through the streets of Camelot, and it had only stopped when Uther’s own suffering had brought insurmountable pain upon others. Arthur was just as stubborn, and Merlin awaited for the first accusations to be directed at Gaius. He’d avoided death a few years ago, but he might not be so lucky this time.

“You must protect him,” said Kilgharrah.

“I must do no such thing,” he replied with certainty. “When we first met, I told you that you were mistaken. And I was right. He’s no King. I’m no Emrys,” he said angrily.

“Give yourself time. Give him time,” said the dragon.

Merlin hated it when he spoke like that.

~oOo~

Morgana was looking at him triumphantly when he entered her chambers, angry. Gwen was arranging the dresses in her wardrobe, probably getting everything ready for tomorrow. Morgana loved to look perfect whether or not they had guests in the castle.

“Agravaine is in the dungeons,” he informed her.

“The beloved uncle,” she replied.

“Don’t do this now,” he groaned, then looked at Gwen, who was trying not to pay any attention to him.

It didn’t seem to be working.

“Merlin saved me,” he informed her, and she didn’t look at all surprised. “Again,” he added, with a feeling of bitterness. “If you know where he is… Tell him that he should return to the castle Agravaine was evidently lying, and I—” he broke off, taking a deep breath.

He had no idea what he was supposed to do. What he wanted most was to chop his uncle’s head off, but first, they needed to give him a trial. He wanted to ask him one question — why? Uther was dead. Camelot was supposed to have become a place for everyone. He fought for a better life for every single one of his subjects, and he’d thought that Agravaine was helping him achieve that. For the past hour, he’d been trying to remember all the advice his uncle had given him. Not all of it had been bad. He’d only lied when it came to Emrys. The prophecy he’d talked about must have been false, and Arthur couldn’t help but to wonder why he’d believed it in the first place.

Gaius’s words were returning to him, unwanted. He’d believed Agravaine because he’d thought that Emrys was a stranger. And Merlin had even asked him whether he’d be able to accept the identity of the mysterious sorcerer.

“Sire,” Gwen began. “I don’t know where Merlin is,” she said.

“You don’t need to lie,” he informed her seriously, hoping that he didn’t look desperate.

“That’s enough,” Morgana growled. “You shall not interrogate my staff. I’ve told you that once, and I’m telling you again. If not for me, Gwen would be on her way to a small, peaceful village.”

“What?” he asked, disoriented.

“You killed her father for practicing sorcery. And now you’re asking whether she knows the whereabouts of another sorcerer. How long will it take before someone comes to the conclusion that, having known so many sorcerers, she must be one herself?” Morgana asked. “Don’t be surprised that she’s not shoving her head under your axe,” she added.

“I would never—“ he began.

“You would never hurt her like you hurt Merlin?” Morgana asked curiously.

He cursed his lips, then looked at Gwen, who had visibly tensed. At least now he knew why she had been avoiding him for the last few days. He wanted to feel angry, but he only felt embarrassment threatening to choke him. Gwen went back to arranging Morgana’s dresses, trying to become even smaller than she already was.

“I want to find him,” he said honestly.

“That is none of my concern,” Morgana replied.

~oOo~

Gaius was looking at him reluctantly, probably expecting the worst from him. Arthur, however, didn’t have anyone else to turn to for help. Lancelot and Gwaine had begun combing through the castle again. He’d ordered them to put away their swords and not to unsheathe them under any circumstances. Merlin was probably still under the impression that they were looking for him, which was actually true. Arthur wanted to find him, but this time to hear the truth. Agravaine wasn’t answering his questions, opting to smile at him with disdain. He wasn’t sure whether imprisoning his uncle was enough. He’d sent a group of his men, along with one of the lords, to Agravaine’s lands. Geoffrey of Monmouth was to settle there and make sure that the people who lived there were loyal to Camelot. He didn’t want division and a civil war so near the beginning of his rule. It would give others the impression that Camelot is weak, and it wouldn’t be a year before Cenred was at their borders.

“My Lord,” Gaius said.

His chambers were a mess. The guards had smashed many of the jars that had contained dried herbs. He wasn’t in Gaius’s chambers too often, but he knew that the only door in here led to the room Merlin had previously occupied. He kept catching himself looking at them, waiting for Merlin to show up and apologise for his tardiness, as always. Merlin was never on time.

“Do you know where he is?” he asked outright.

Gaius didn’t move, opting to look at him as though he was judging him.

“I’d like to speak with him,” he admitted. “Agravaine lied,” he added.

Gaius furrowed his eyebrows and sighed.

“I’m sorry,” he said honestly, and maybe he really did regret that Arthur had been betrayed yet again. “But Merlin hasn’t come to see me. I haven’t seen him since the feast,” Gaius admitted, and for the first time, he actually seemed worried. “I don’t think he would have stayed in the castle…”

“He saved my life yesterday,” said Arthur. “He’s here. I just need to know where. Lancelot and Gwaine are looking for him, but…” he broke off. “They’re not looking to capture him,” he clarified.

Gaius sighed.

“You won’t find Merlin unless he wants you to,” Gaius informed him.

“Do you not know anyone who could help us right now? He must be staying somewhere, sleeping somewhere.” He broke off, looking at Gaius, hopeful.

“Merlin doesn’t have too many friends,” Gaius replied. “He didn’t know anyone in Camelot when he came here,” he informed Arthur and sighed. “I’m afraid that I’m unable to help you. However, if I do happen upon him, I’ll tell him to speak with you,” he promised.

Arthur bit the inside of his cheek and looked down at his hands. Gwaine had only let Gaius treat his injuries today. He and Lancelot had spent the whole night looking for Merlin, not wanting to give him too much time to get away. The castle had been closed off, but it couldn’t stay that way for long. People rebelled when such things happened. Merchants couldn’t come into Camelot to trade, which never meant anything good. The trade of goods was important — at least, that’s what his father had taught him.

“You won’t face any consequences if you tell me,” he began hurriedly, remembering about Gwen’s fears. “Is there someone who taught Merlin magic? Is there someone he could have gone to? I’m asking because—” he broke off. “No-one will find out. I just want to know. I’m not planning another purge. If someone’s practicing magic in the castle, they won’t be punished for it.”

Gaius took another, deeper breath.

“As far as I know — and I’m almost certain that I’m right — no-one taught Merlin magic,” Gaius replied.

“No, that’s impossible,” Arthur said. “Someone must have showed him magic, taught him spells,” he started listing hurriedly.

“No, not necessarily,” Gaius replied. “But it is not I who would be telling you this, Sire,” he added. “If I see Merlin, if he comes to me, I’ll tell him to think about talking to you.”

Arthur tried to relax, but he couldn’t.

~oOo~

Stealing food from the guards had become somewhat of a daily ritual. Kilgharrah kept bothering him with stories of Emrys and the Once and Future King who would unite the lands of Albion. However, his faith in the prophecy hadn’t returned. He'd saved Arthur despite it because Arthur didn’t deserve to be killed at the hands of his uncle. Another betrayal must have been hard for Arthur to bear, he knew this well. He was almost certain that Arthur had locked himself up in his chambers to lick his wounds. More metaphorically, of course. Arthur wasn’t afraid to spill his own blood for a good cause.

Merlin heard people talking about how Agravaine was being kept in a special part of the dungeons. He didn’t talk to anyone, choosing loneliness to be his only friend. Arthur didn’t stop trying to interrogate him, but Agravaine refused to cooperate. He stayed silent not explaining his actions or saying what plans he’d had for Camelot. He couldn’t sit on the throne. If the Pendragon line had ended with Arthur, Cenred would have surely made a grab for Camelot’s throne. Agravaine wouldn’t have stood a chance against an opponent from Essetir, and not only because of the army Cenred possessed. The rulers of the lands surrounding Camelot wouldn’t have deemed Agravaine to be equal to them. He was just the brother of Uther’s wife — no royal blood flowed through his veins. He hadn’t been marked.

Arthur had sent one of his trusted Lords to Agravaine’s lands. He was supposed to care for Camelot’s interests in the region. It was a good move. A civil war wouldn’t bring any good. Arthur himself couldn’t leave the castle now that he was evidently looking for Merlin. He’d seen Lancelot and Gwaine knocking on doors and asking about him. His beggar’s clothes hid him well. They hadn’t paid attention to him, although he had been tempted to talk to them, or at least Lancelot, and thank them for protecting his mother.

He wasn’t sure why he was still in Camelot. Maybe he didn’t really want to leave the castle. Kilgharrah seemed very sure of his own opinion. Merlin, however, had doubts. He wanted to believe that Arthur had acted the way he had because of what Agravaine had told him, but it was hard to believe that considering that a few days later, the King’s herald had declared that if Emrys came forth, the King would just like to speak with him. Merlin already knew that trick. Maybe Arthur really did think that he was an idiot since he thought that the same trick would work twice. He’d believed his words once. He’d seen a brighter future where he wasn’t looked down upon. And he’d ended up as a beggar, wasting his magic to keep himself alive and steal bread from the guards in the dungeons.

Kilgharrah looked at him every night when he lay  down on the stone floor of his own prison and muttered something about magic and its power. About the changes that were to come when the kingdoms of Albion united. He had nowhere to go — which was something that he’d realised quite quickly. He’d only bring danger to his mother. Cenred surely had spies among the Court, and at least part of them knew just how powerful he was. The King of Essetir hadn’t outlawed magic in his kingdom, so he must have heard of the legend of Emrys first-hand. Even if he didn’t believe it, he would definitely want to look into it. Merlin didn’t want to end up in the dungeons.

His mother was safe as long as he stayed away from her. Gaius hadn’t been banished from Camelot, which meant that his chambers were being observed, which was something that Merlin feared the most. He’d taken with him the only book they had on magic and was currently using it as a pillow. Kilgharrah hadn’t commented on this, but Merlin could see that it irritated him. He probably shouldn’t be treating such a precious artefact so carelessly. Still, it was hard for him to create a library in a cave.

“The sun is rising,” the dragon informed him.

He didn’t know how Kilgharrah knew that, but he hadn’t been mistaken yet. Merlin was finding it hard to measure the passing of time here in the cave.

He adjusted his clothes — they were too big for him right now — and concentrated on his appearance. Casting the spell was becoming more and more easy, but he had to remember that he couldn’t spend the whole day under its influence. Sometimes, when he had enough to eat, he didn’t bother leaving the cave, preferring to remain himself for the whole time. Hunger, however, forced him to leave the following day. His stores of clean water were ending just as quickly. Besides that, he also needed news from the castle.

He protected Arthur, though this was more out of habit. Maybe a sense of responsibility. He doubted he was appreciated by the royal arse. After Arthur’s anger had passed, he’d probably come to the conclusion that he could have defeated Agravaine without Merlin’s help. After all, he’d only been outnumbered ten to one. Arthur’s Knights were the best in Albion.

The rays of the sun blinded him for a moment. The courtyard was noisy. Merchants were shouting, and it seemed as though nothing had changed. The herald went out onto the dais every day and blew the horn, and then proceeded to announce the will of the King. Emrys was mentioned once again, but it didn’t draw anyone’s attention. Merlin snorted under his breath.

“Stubborn royal arse,” he said, then tensed when someone grabbed him by the back of his neck.

A castle guard was looking at him with a fair amount of disgust in his expression.

“Off to the dungeons with you,” the man informed him. “For insult to the Crown,” he added.

Merlin wanted to curse under his breath. He could run away. Teleporting himself to Gaius’s chambers wouldn’t tire him out any more than it had before. Gaius surely wouldn’t keep him there by force. Maybe they’d even agree that he should call the guards himself. It would look good in the eyes of the King.

But the hand on the nape of his neck was a problem. Then, there was also the fact that news would spread that he was hiding by pretending to be a beggar. He didn’t want to bring about a situation where the executioners would start chopping off the head of every beggar in Camelot. He wasn’t sure just how much Arthur wanted his death.

He let himself be led down to the dungeons. After all, it was far from the first time he’d ended up here because he couldn’t keep his tongue in check. He was even fed this time.

~oOo~

Someone kicked him in the ribs. It was probably the only warning he was going to get. Kilgharrah had been whispering to him throughout the whole night. Merlin had waited for the guards to go back to whatever it was they did to pass the evenings before he let the glamour fall. Now, he had to quickly cast it again, lying on a pile of smelly straw. When he was lifted up, he once again looked like a beggar… which is what he actually was now.

He’d thought that they would take him back to the courtyard they’d arrested him in, but instead, the guards were dragging him to the throne room. He was pushed forward, and his legs refused to hold him up. He fell, and was left unable to decide whether or not to raise himself off the ground. After all, elderly people tended to move wearily, and he’d always had a hard time faking that. Arthur was sitting on his throne, surrounded by his advisors, and he was looking in their direction with a bored expression on his face.

“What is it this time?” he asked curtly.

“Insult to the Crown,” the guard replied.

Merlin tried not to look at Arthur, but that wasn’t easy, considering that he was kneeling right in front of him.

“What did he say?” Arthur asked, visibly interested.

The guards looked at each other uncertainly.

“What did he say?” Arthur repeated impatiently.

“That you, Sire, are an…” one of the men began. “...Arse,” he ended, uncertain.

Arthur seemed surprised for a fraction of a second, but then his face was overcome by a weird expression.

“Why did you call me an arse, old man?” he asked, evidently expecting to get an answer.

Merlin stubbornly remained silent. He’d expected a quick sentence. His crime wasn’t great. Being locked in the stocks had almost become a pastime, considering how much time he spent in them. This time, though, he’d be able to free himself and run away when no one was looking. They wouldn’t search for a nameless beggar, and he’d wear a different face the following day.

“Why?” Arthur asked again, and Merlin pursed his lips.

He’d long since learned that it was better to remain silent when speaking with the Pendragons, so as not to worsen his situation.

The doors to the room opened, and Merlin froze. Morgana entered, followed by Gwen, who looked good and healthy. He was so happy to see her that he almost missed the expression of surprise on Morgana’s face. Her eyes widened with shock when she looked at him, and then he saw her lips move. He could almost feel his glamour falling with the help of her magic.

Then, he looked at Arthur, and his expression only confirmed his assumption. He was standing in the throne room as himself.

Morgana walked up a little closer, probably to hit him with a spell, but she needed words for that — which is something that he himself didn’t need to bother with. He waved his hand, making a split-second decision. She wasn’t safe here, and she must have been mad to have revealed her magic before Arthur.

“No!” Arthur shouted, but Merlin was faster.

He caught Morgana before she fainted, touched by his enchantment, and let his panicked thoughts take him to a nice field in the forest, as far away from here as possible.

~oOo~

He must have lost consciousness, because he woke up surrounded by damp ferns. The morning dew had made his back wet and his thin clothes were soaked through, but he didn’t let that bother him. Underneath, he still had his own tunic, which stank a little, but that could be rectified with a good bath. Now that he was outside of Camelot, he just needed to find a nearby stream.

He looked around for Morgana. A moan from nearby directed him to her, so he began to make his way there on wobbly legs, trying not to trip. Morgana was sitting, wiping her face, and she was looking at him as though she was trying to figure out what was going on. And then, the only emotion on her face was irritation.

“Where are we?” she asked curtly.

“In a safe place,” he replied.

“Which means that you don’t know where you’ve brought us?” she ascertained.

He hated that. Arthur had always managed to corner him in the same way.

“Is it that important?” he retorted. “You couldn’t stay in Camelot. Have you gone mad?! You used magic right in front of him!” he said with disbelief. “You must have lost your mind, or…” he broke off when another explanation came to mind. “I wasn’t there to hurt him,” he exclaimed. “I wasn’t there of my own free will, either. The guards heard me say a few words too many. I was awaiting a sentence for insulting the Crown, and then I would have gone back to where I’d come from,” he growled. “Did you think that I wanted to hurt him like the rest? He won’t care that you tried to protect him, and now you’ve revealed yourself, and—”

“Arthur won’t do anything to me,” Morgana informed him, standing up.

“Of course. You think that your title will protect you,” he began.

“No. He wants to lift the ban on magic,” she said.

He couldn’t help but to laugh.

“I’ve heard that already, remember? Do you want to share my fate?” he snorted. “I don’t know what he told you. Maybe he’s heard about another sorcerer and that’s why he’s been saying such ridiculous things.”

“They’re not ridiculous. Arthur’s changed. He’s changed his mind. You should speak with him,” she replied.

“Oh, so he sent you?” he asked curiously. “Were you supposed to reveal me to him or just spy on me?”

“Don’t be so melodramatic. Do you think I have nothing better to do than to spy on sorcerers disguised as beggars, who smell worse than the royal stables?” she mocked, looking at him suggestively.

He could take off his clothes, but he needed them just as much as he needed a bath. His head was still spinning. They should eat something, but Merlin had no idea where they were. People were most definitely looking for them by now. He thought that he’d been here with Arthur before, when they had been looking for herbs for Gaius. They were much further away from Camelot than he’d thought. He couldn’t see the citadel’s towers, which helped to cheer him up. Before Arthur’s Knights got here, he and Morgana would have had more than enough time to hide.

“We have to go,” he decided.

“To the castle,” she said.

“I’m beginning to think that you really are mad,” he replied.

“Arthur wouldn’t sentence me to death,” she informed him.

“It’s good that you’re so certain. I’m not, though, so let’s go,” he answered.

Morgana didn’t even twitch.

“Arthur regrets what happened. Haven’t you heard the herald? He’s been out in the courtyard every day for the past week—”

“I heard him loud and clear. And I know that the only thing Arthur wants right now is revenge,” Merlin informed her, feeling his anger return. “I don’t know what you’re playing at,” he admitted. “I took you away from there because I thought you were in danger, but if you’re part of some sick, twisted plan of his, if you’re serving him—” he spat.

Morgana laughed.

“I serve only myself,” she informed him.

“I don’t doubt that,” he replied.

“Good,” she said. “I can see the future. Sometimes, I have dreams,” she admitted, observing him curiously. “In one of them, I saw you kill me,” she added, and Merlin froze. “I’m not so naive as to think that the future cannot be changed. From the beginning, I’ve seen how loyal you are to Arthur, which means that you would only kill me if I was a danger to him. When I discovered my powers, it wasn’t hard to guess what would have turned me against Arthur, so I simply awaited Uther’s death. Arthur will change everything. He’ll lift the ban on magic,” she said, her voice full of certainty.

“Your dream showed you that,” Merlin ascertained, wanting to laugh.

“I no longer dream about you killing me, which means that I won’t betray him,” she replied.

“But you don’t know the details. Maybe Arthur will lift the ban long after the both of us are dead,” he spat. “I doubt I’ll be so happy about it then. You can’t trust dreams that are so unclear. Maybe the magic provoking them isn’t good magic. Maybe they’re meant to mislead you. I know him, and I know that he hasn’t changed. He’s still an arrogant arse, and not even you can deny that,” he said.

This time, it was Morgana’s turn to laugh.

“Now I know why he likes you so much. You’re awfully funny when you get hysterical,” she stated. “Do you at least know where you’re going to go?” she asked, interested.

Merlin sighed.

“I’ll leave you with the Druids. If you wish to return to Camelot…” he trailed off. “I can’t stop you, but I’m asking you not to,” he merely said.

~oOo~

Merlin had learned much about the forests surrounding Camelot. They were full of herbs and animals that belonged to the King. Poaching was prohibited, but at the same time, no one knew just how far the forests stretched. The Druidic villages were located in it, hidden so that only those who knew what they were looking for could find them. The journey didn’t take them long. Morgana was walking a few meters away from him, claiming that his smell repulsed her. They hadn’t crossed any rivers, and the first one they came across lead them to the village. They were greeted with quiet whispers. The followers of the Old Religion seemed to be more magical than other people. He knew that his powers came from nature, but he didn’t take it too seriously. It didn’t dictate what he did in life. It was just an important part of him.

Morgana was looking around curiously. Merlin wasn’t sure how often she’d been outside of Camelot, but this must have been the first magical society she’d visited. He didn’t even know who’d taught her to control her magic and her dreams. He distantly remembered Gaius sending him to her rooms with potions to help with her nightmares. That had been the first time they’d seen each other.

“Emrys,” he heard someone behind him say. He should probably be ashamed of the rags he was wearing, but the man behind him didn’t pay them any attention.

“And the Seer,” he added, sounding a bit surprised, and then his eyes kept darting from Morgana to Merlin as though he couldn’t believe that he was seeing the both of them together.

“He won’t kill me, and I won’t betray my King,” Morgana informed him curtly.

The man seemed confused. At least this time, Merlin wasn’t the only idiot.

“I’m Ilyan. Welcome,” the Druid said.

Merlin sighed, relieved.

“Is there a place where I can bathe?” he asked outright.

Ilyan smiled at him with understanding.

~oOo~

Arthur was unable to comprehend how, in the course of two weeks, Merlin manage to disappear right from under his nose t _hree times_. The Merlin he knew kept tripping over his own two feet, but then again, now he must be using magic to aid himself. After all, once he’d disappeared, he no longer needed to run. Morgana’s behaviour, the talents she’d revealed in the throne room, had terrified him at first, but then he’d stopped being surprised. She’d always been very secretive, and Uther would probably have sentenced her to death or locked her up in a high tower, leaving her incapable of leading a normal life. And if Merlin wasn’t proof enough that not all magic was bad, then Morgana made that claim irrefutable. They’d grown up together and he’d heard all about the nightmares she’d been plagued with over the years.

Gwen had been looking at him uncertainly ever since he’d summoned her to his chambers. Lancelot seemed to be just as nervous, but Arthur didn’t want anyone to disappear from the castle because of a misunderstanding.

“I’m planning to lift the ban on magic. The law shall be changed immediately,” he informed them, and saw Lancelot’s nervous expression change to one of relief. “I should have begun with this,” he added.

Gwen sighed quietly.

“We must, however, find Morgana,” he continued. “And Merlin. Although, maybe he’ll show himself once he understands that this time…” he trailed off and sighed. “Someone should go look for the Druids. I’d like to negotiate their return to Camelot,” he added.

Lancelot straightened almost immediately, and this was just the reaction Arthur had been expecting from his Knight.

“Take Leon and Percival,” he simply said. “Gwen, I’d like you to attend to me until Morgana returns. George is…”

“Too competent,” she stated with a small smile of understanding.

That was precisely the word he’d been looking for. He was never late and Arthur’s food was always of a perfect temperature. On the other hand, George never stated his thoughts. Maybe that’s why that beggar had attracted his attention. He hadn’t recognised him as Merlin, but the fact that Merlin could change his appearance had awed him. What terrified him, however, was just how thin Merlin was. The deep bags under his eyes were probably a result of a lack of sleep. He’d asked the guards where they’d caught Merlin, but they were only able to tell him that they’d heard him insult Arthur in the courtyard. That, at least, was familiar. Merlin must not have defended himself so as not to be recognised, but Morgana had reacted. He planned to thank her for that when he could.

~oOo~

He felt a little more like a human being after getting out of the stream. Ilyan gave him new clothes. He planned to wash his old ones and bring them with him to Camelot. Kilgharrah’s cave wasn’t suited for sleeping in, but maybe if he brought something soft, his rocky bed would be more tolerable.

Morgana kept looking at him curiously while they ate dinner, and he took his fingers out of his mouth, suddenly remembering that there existed such a things as manners.

“Do you always eat like an animal?” she asked.

“Only when it’s my first meal in three days and I’ve transported not just myself, but also someone else, to the other end of the forest,” he retorted.

“You should return to Camelot. Arthur needs you,” she informed him.

He saw how the Druids were looking at him. They probably all had questions, but he didn’t have any answers ready for them. He wasn’t planning to admit that he meant to return to the citadel the following day. No one was expecting him to return, and he wanted to use that fact. He just needed to figure out a new way to get food.

“He’s been managing just fine,” he said, and that wasn’t a lie.

Arthur had his advisors, whom he respected. One servant wasn’t much support for him. He’d been listening to Agravaine’s advice for weeks, and most of it had seemed sensible, despite the fact that Agravaine had been planning to betray Arthur since the beginning.

“Arthur needs you,” Morgana said, looking at him pointedly.

“Doesn’t he have another human footstool?” Merlin mocked. “Does the new servant not allow Arthur to insult him? Woe is he.”

“Arthur can be an arse, but that doesn’t mean that he doesn’t care about people,” Morgana said.

“You’re starting to sound like the Druids. Did fifty years pass while I was taking my bath?” he asked with disbelief. “I can’t stay here for long. I have my destiny, and I have my future,” he informed her. “Have you seen them in your dreams?” he asked curiously.

“I’ve only seen you standing by Arthur’s side. Always and forever,” she said.

He pursed his lips and began to eat even faster, ignoring the look of disgust on her face.

~oOo~

Morgana’s return was a surprise. She had only been gone for three days, and the men who came with her wore long capes, tied off at the base of their throats. Their robes were made from natural materials and instantly told Arthur who they were.

“Druids,” he said, shocked.

Lancelot hadn’t even had time to set out yet.

He walked to stand in front of Morgana, who reached out her hands in his direction, greeting him warmly.

“Where’s Merlin?” he asked, instantly feeling stupid that that was the only thing that came to his mind.

“Probably already in Camelot. He left before us and thought that I didn’t know that he was returning here. The Druids say that this is his only home,” she said.

Arthur swallowed audibly and looked around, which was the least bit idiotic. It’s not like he would have recognised Merlin even if he’d spent all day looking at the beggars’ faces. He didn’t like the thought that Merlin was probably sleeping on the streets and had to steal food to survive. Maybe he got whipped for it. The guards had said that they brought random beggars to the dungeons to keep them in check. He couldn’t forbid it because it would bring about chaos, but the thought that Merlin could have once again been put in the stocks was unpleasant. What was ironic was the fact that he’d often done that to Merlin himself.

Morgana smiled at him in understanding.

“Come, my King, and I’ll tell you about everything I found out during my short banishment,” she promised him. “My friends need to rest, and then we’ll begin the negotiations,” she said.

~oOo~

“He’s lifting the ban on magic,” Merlin growled with disbelief.

Kilgharrah snorted warm air at him.

“Is that bad, Emrys? Is this not what we wanted?” the dragon asked.

“After he banished me?” Merlin asked with growing disbelief. “Did my presence bother him that much? What was so unbearable to him? The fact that I’m not as big an idiot as he’d thought? He’s summoned the Druids, and one of them is supposed to advise him about magic. Morgana must also be working with him,” he spat.

Kilgharrah flew closer to him and looked him right in the eyes.

“Are you angry that the prophecy was fulfilled despite your lack of faith, or that you weren’t there when it was?” the dragon asked.

Merlin was starting to hate him.

“I can go now,” he said, surprised.

After all, Arthur now had not one, but a few sorcerers. The Druids knew all about rituals and how to cast spells. All he had was an old book he’d never finished reading, and the spells it contained didn’t always want to work. They were supposed to unite Albion together, but he was of no use on the battlefield. He knew nothing about battle strategies. He didn’t really have any talents, and that hurt him more than anything else right now. He’d protected Arthur because he had been the only sorcerer capable of doing so, but with Morgana and a Druid at his side, Arthur wasn’t going to be in much danger anymore.

“Not until he goes,” the dragon informed him.

“Am I supposed to wait here until either he or I die?” He snorted. “This no longer has to be my prison,” he added, feeling weird with the thought.

He’d gone out into the courtyard a few times and had observed everyone getting ready for the negotiations. He’d tried to stick to shadowed areas. Both Morgana and the Druids had been making their way through the castle. Any one of them could see through his glamour, and this time, when he ran away, he would have no reason to return. He’d thought that that would make him happy, but leaving Camelot behind didn’t seem possible, He couldn’t wrap his head around it. His life had been revolving around Arthur for so long that now that he had a choice, he couldn’t make it. He didn’t even know what he would do once he left Camelot. Making love potions would surely garner him some money, but he couldn’t imagine earning his livelihood that way.

“Emrys,” the dragon began.

“Just be quiet,” he said, and this one time, Kilgharrah listened.

~oOo~

Morgana showed him a long document that was supposed to be an treaty between Camelot and the Druids. Not only did it lift the ban on magic, but it would allow for the creation of a guild and a small school for those who wanted to learn to use magic. The Druids were supposed to train the Knights to recognise different types of magic. Morgana had explained a lot on the topic, but he still felt as though something was missing. Merlin would have done it much better.

He signed the paper, and one of the Druids whispered something that made the ink dry instantly. Ilyan merely looked at the treaty and his name appeared at the bottom of the page. He tried not to flinch at their magic, but he would need time to get used to it.

Morgana had told him about her nightmares and about how she had thought that  Merlin would kill her the moment the occasion arose. Then, she had discovered that those nightmares didn’t have to come true if she helped them reach a certain point in their lives. She told him about the fear she had felt when she’d witnessed sorcerers being executed for their magic. He couldn’t imagine being so terrified.

He thanked the Druids for their support. Ilyan was to remain in Camelot for a certain time in order to teach Morgana to control her powers. She knew only what she had managed to discover in the castle library. That, at least, explained why she had almost moved in there a few years ago, and why no-one had been able to get her to put the books away. Everything was beginning to come together nicely.

“Why hasn’t he returned?” he asked curtly.

Morgana shrugged.

He was unlikely to fall asleep tonight, either. Gwen had gone back to serving Morgana the moment it had become possible. He no longer had a trusted servant. He hadn’t spoken with Merlin for a month, and it seemed laughable, but he’d lost his appetite and his will to live. When he got up in the morning, he wanted nothing more than to go back to sleep, but sleep evaded him.

Gwaine tried to make jokes, but he could see that his Knights were beginning to worry. Maybe he was starting to behave like a madman, but Agravaine was still in the dungeons, serving a life sentence, and the only sorcerer he wanted to see and thank was avoiding him like the plague. And he couldn’t be surprised. He felt that he’d really damaged their friendship, or whatever it was they’d had.

Ilyan looked at him calmly. Merlin was in no way similar to the calm and collected Druid, nor Morgana, who could sometimes be incredibly mean. Merlin was always happy and never failed to make him laugh with his jokes, even though Arthur sometimes put him in the stocks for his own satisfaction. Merlin never submitted to him, nor anyone else. And maybe now Arthur had found a way to break him, despite never having wanted that.

“Are you looking for Emrys, Sire?” Ilyan asked.

“I made a mistake not too long ago. I was told that Emrys longs for my death.” He sighed.

Ilyan seemed shocked.

“A false prophecy results in eternal damnation,” Ilyan informed him.

“I doubt that matters to my uncle,” he replied.

Ilyan nodded, as though he understood that this was yet another difference between them. He didn’t know why the Druids seemed so much like strangers to him. Merlin didn’t have any weird practices nor customs. He didn’t speak in riddles.

“During Emrys’s stay with us, he seemed hurt,” Ilyan said carefully.

“He was angry and rude. He called you an arrogant arse,” Morgana explained.

Arthur swallowed, looking Ilyan, who didn’t even bat an eyelash.

“Merlin isn’t happy, but I want to speak with him despite this,” he merely said.

~oOo~

He was close to falling asleep when he heard footsteps in the corridor leading to the cave. He thrust himself to his feet. Ilyan entered, greeting him, and Merlin almost sighed in relief until he saw another figure show up behind him. Kilgharrah’s wings swept through the air when the dragon flew loser to sit down on a rock. Arthur took out his sword, and Merlin instinctively took a step back, lifting his hands, not entirely sure whether he wanted to defend himself or attack. He’d never wondered what he would do if Arthur were the one who wanted to kill him. He hadn’t let such a thought enter his head, which was a grave mistake.

“That’s a dragon,” Arthur informed him, then glanced at Merlin, and then at his sword. “Merlin, I don’t—” he began.

“Ilyan,” he barked, unable to help himself. “You brought him here?” he asked with disbelief.

“We’ve signed a treaty, and he is now my King,” the Druid replied.

“You signed an agreement and you’re giving me up?” he asked outright, because of course it couldn’t be that simple.

Ilyan seemed hurt.

“Have you lost your mind?” Arthur asked, and though he didn’t put his weapon away, he let it fall so that it was pointing at the ground instead, and then he looked around in disbelief. “This is where you spent the last month?” he asked.

Maybe his bedding, made from his old tunic, didn’t make that good an impression, but Merlin had slept in worse places.

“We’re leaving this place,” Arthur decided. “As long as this dragon…” he began, and trailed off.

“Kilgharrah won’t do anything to you,” Merlin said. “And I’m not going anywhere with you,” he added.

Arthur seemed to be irritated, like he always was when caught off guard. He must not have been expecting Kilgharrah. Uther probably hadn’t told him about his prisoner before he’d died. Merlin wasn’t too surprised. Arthur wouldn’t have let the dragon remain trapped under the castle if he’d known how he had gotten there. But then again, setting traps seemed to be characteristic of Pendragons.

“You plan to stay here? Don’t be stupid. You can’t sleep here,” Arthur said, looking pointedly at his tunic and the book that still served as his pillow.

Merlin was unable to look at anyone threateningly, but that didn’t stop him trying. He must have looked comical. He waited for Arthur’s first joke, but Arthur just tensed and pursed his lips. He seemed to want to say something, but he glanced uncertainly at Ilyan, who was still observing the two of them, not bothering to hide his curiosity.

“Leave us. I’ll return alone if I have to,” Arthur said.

Ilyan bowed, then disappeared into the darkness. Arthur waited until they could no longer hear his footsteps, and tried to move in his direction, but Merlin moved back almost instantly. Arthur was still holding his sword, and he knew how quickly Arthur could move when he wanted to. The only thing hindering his escape was the small area of the cliff on which he slept. Arthur was cutting off his only exit.

“I won’t do anything to you,” he said. “I’ve lifted the ban on magic,” he added, as if that was supposed to be proof of something.

Merlin merely furrowed his eyebrows.

“We signed a treaty with the Druids today. They’ll move closer to the castle. They’ll open a school. Ilyan is teaching Morgana how to control her dreams,” Arthur explained.

Merlin had to admit that he was surprised. He hadn’t thought that the agreement would have been thought through so much. Arthur was introducing magic to the castle. Maybe it had been Morgana’s powers that had convinced him, or maybe Ilyan had showed him just how much sorcerers could do. He must have also realised that magic could be used to strengthen his army. Arthur was an excellent strategist.

“That’s…” he began, but trailed off, feeling as though something had sucked all the energy from him. “That’s good,” he said.

Arthur smiled at him lightly.

“Will you come back?” he asked outright.

Merlin wanted to laugh, but it felt as though something was stuck in his throat.

“No,” he replied.

“But…” Arthur began, but fell quiet. “What more do you want? A public apology?” he asked.

“You could start by simply apologising to me. Those words haven’t left your lips,” Merlin said, unable to stop himself.

“I didn’t think you wanted an apology, so I started with what you could believe. I brought a Druid with me, didn’t I? A live one,” Arthur added. “I made a mistake, but you were never in danger.”

“I’m supposed to believe that you wouldn’t have sentenced me to death?” he mocked.

“I was surprised,” Arthur admitted.

“Oh, the executioners here work very well, I assure you. I received proof of that the first day I arrived in Camelot,” he growled, unsure whether he’d been feeling this anger since that day. “You would have put me in the dungeons after everything I went through for you. After everything that’s happened, you would have sentenced me to death!”

“Merlin, I wouldn’t…” Arthur began. “Agravaine told me that Emrys was a traitor and that he’d kill me the moment he earned my trust,” he explained.

“And why not believe your beloved uncle,” Merlin mocked. “And where did that lead you?” he asked outright, despite that fact that he shouldn’t have. He knew it was a blow below the belt.

He was almost waiting for Arthur to attack him, to tell him something rude, but Arthur just lowered his head and looked down at his hands. The silence in the cave was almost unbearable.

“And I was wrong,” Arthur admitted. It must have been harder for him to admit that than to apologise. “That’s why I want you to come back,” he added, straightening slightly. “I know now whom I can trust.”

Merlin couldn’t hold back a snort.

“If there’s no beheading awaiting me, then I’ll leave the cave,” he promised, though it didn’t make him feel any better. “But you really don’t need me,” he said outright.

Arthur furrowed his eyebrows.

“What are you talking about? Of course I need you!” he said.

“Do you miss having a servant you can push around? Does George not let you treat him like dirt?” he asked, interested. “Or maybe you just haven’t had anyone in the stocks for weeks. I almost ended up in them a while ago,” he mocked. “You have a sorcerer,” he reminded Arthur. “And he’ll protect you,” he added, trying to remain calm.

Arthur was looking at him with wide eyes, as though he wasn’t sure what to say. Merlin could see that he was trying to think of something, but he must have been coming up with nothing, and that hurt the most. With a Druid and a perfect servant by his side, Arthur was safe. He wasn’t threatened by a coup, nor did he have to worry about breakfast arriving late.

“Don’t say things like that,” Arthur begged him, and that was yet another thing he’d never seen Arthur do.

“Am I supposed to lie to you?” he asked outright. “You know that I’ve never been good at that,” he added, than leaned down to pick up his book and old clothes.

He hoped that Gaius still had an empty room, at least for the night. Arthur watched him in silence, then looked at the dragon. Kilgharrah had been surprisingly silent throughout the whole ordeal. Although, maybe he just thought that speaking to Arthur was beneath him.

“Stay for at least a few days,” Arthur pleaded when they were walking down the narrow corridor.

Merlin didn’t make any promises.

~oOo~

Arthur couldn’t sleep that night, which wasn’t anything new. Morgana observed him as he went through the letters from the Lords. They swore fealty toward the Pendragons despite such a drastic change in the laws regarding magic. It almost seemed as though the whole kingdom had breathed a sigh of relief.

“Merlin doesn’t want to remain in Camelot,” he found himself saying.

Morgana didn’t seem surprised.

“I told him that I trust him, but that no longer seems to matter to him,” he added.

“Maybe he no longer trusts you?” she asked.

He hated her clear-sightedness.

“I know,” he admitted, even though saying so was hard for him.

He could plan an attack and conquer Essetir, but he didn’t know how to get back something that he’d lost. It’s probably why Agravaine considered himself triumphant. He had lost the one person he’d trusted and who had supported him through all these years.

But he had no idea what Merlin’s position in Court would be. Ilyan was to remain his Druid, to keep the castle safe. He did not, however, want Merlin to be just his servant. He couldn’t imagine someone to whom he owed so much to have to put up with him again. If there was a chance that Gaius would retire, he’d suggest that Merlin take up a position as the Court Physician, though he doubted Merlin knew too much about the healing arts. Gaius was only just teaching him.

“What’s your plan?” Morgana asked curiously.

“I’ll create a post,” he said, although there was a terrifying emptiness in his head.

He didn’t want to look desperate when he made the proposition to Merlin. It would have to be believable, but unfortunately, Merlin was only good at being Merlin.

“He told me that I already have a sorcerer to protect me,” he continued. “And an excellent servant,” he added, not knowing where all this bitterness was coming from.

“And yet you don’t have a friend,” Morgana guessed. “Have you never thought why it hurts him so much that you’ve replaced him with other people?” she asked curiously.

“It’s Merlin,” he simply stated, as though that explained everything.

“And did you never wonder whether the fact that he kept saving your life all this time meant something?” she asked, interested.

“It’s the prophecy,” he reminded her curtly.

“Oh, and that’s why he remained in Camelot even when he was certain that you would kill him when you saw him next,” she said in a tone that suggested that that really did make sense.

And that’s what he’d thought until he heard her say it aloud.

“He didn’t leave even though he felt betrayed and bitter,” she continued. “When I came to in the forest, he could only talk about you. About how arrogant and underhanded you are. How much I’m mistaken about you because I don’t really know you. Women know how to read between the lines. He thought he knew you, and then he thought that he was wrong. He felt betrayed, Arthur,” she informed him.

“Thank you. As if I didn’t already know just how much he hates me, you have to emphasise it,” he muttered.

“You’re an idiot. I’m not saying that he’s your biggest admirer. I’m simply asking why it hurt him so much,” she said, looking him right in the eyes.

“Because he’s loyal and noble. And selfless,” he replied.

Morgana shook her head.

“I’m not saying he isn’t. However, I think that not many would be loyal to the death. They wouldn’t protect the people who wanted to kill them—”

“I didn’t want his death!” he barked.

“He didn’t know that, and yet he stayed with you all this time, even though he thought that you hated everything that he was. He even warned me not to come back. What would you call someone who would sacrifice so much of themselves?” she asked.

He swallowed loudly when only one thought came to mind. But Merlin couldn’t be in love with him. They argued too much — and besides, he was always disappearing somewhere with Gwen. When Arthur won his tourneys, Merlin never congratulated him. He simply mocked him as the Ladies of the Court sent him letters and bits of cloth for him to tuck into his armour before his next fight.

“You’re wrong,” he said with absolute certainty.

“Am I?” she asked. “Then tell me why it hurt you so much that he was hiding something from you. Why you were so furious when you realised that he didn’t trust you enough to tell you that he was a sorcerer?”

“Because I thought we were friends,” he replied, because saying that was easy.

“And what’s the difference between he and I? I never told you about my magic and my dreams either, and we’ve known each other since we were children,” she said. Her words hit home. “I used magic right in front of you to reveal him, and then I returned to Camelot with the Druids. You greeted me and accepted me as your sister. It is Merlin whom you chased for weeks,” she continued, and Arthur felt his mouth dry up.

“That’s not,” he began, but the words got stuck in his throat.

He got up hurriedly, but Morgana caught him by the wrist.

“You can let him leave, if you want,” she continued. “It’s your choice, my King, but you’ll need to face the consequences alone,” she added, and he’d already heard her speak those words once before.

This time, though, they attracted his attention.

“Did you see something? Did you see what would happen if Merlin left Camelot?” Arthur asked.

“You’d like that, wouldn’t you?” She snorted. “Another good reason for him to stay. But I don’t have anything for you. I can’t bring about a prophetic dream—” she said, but broke off.

“What?” he asked.

Morgana was looking at him with a small smile on her face.

“Ilyan taught me how to give others prophetic dreams. If you want to know the answer to your question, I could help you, but what you might not like what you see,” she warned him.

“You want to use magic on me?” he asked with disbelief.

“You’re scared of what Merlin is. How is he supposed to trust you if you don’t allow him to use magic near or on you?” she asked. “He  _is_  magic. Do you think he won’t notice your discomfort?”

Arthur rubbed his face with his hand, then looked at the wood that was burning out in the fireplace.

“All right. Do it. Maybe I’ll finally get some rest,” he said, trying and failing to make it sound like a joke.

~oOo~

Merlin flinched when the door to his room opened abruptly. He was almost expecting it to be guards, ready to pull him out of his bed and onto the executioner’s block. That nightmare had haunted him a few times over the last few nights, and now that he was back in Gaius’s chambers, it had only gotten worse. He sat up and scooted backwards until he was pressed up against the wall and lit up the room. He was surprised to find Arthur standing in his doorway alone, hair messed up and wearing just his nightgown.

Arthur was looking at him in fear, and before Merlin could react, he felt Arthur’s cool lips upon his own. At first, he didn’t defend himself, shocked and longing for human touch. Gwen and Gaius had hugged him. He didn’t remember the last time he’d had so much human contact. When Lancelot and Gwaine had patted him on the back, he’d barely been able to tear himself away from them. A month of isolation did that to a person.

Now, though, Arthur was trying to put his tongue in Merlin’s mouth, and that wasn’t normal behaviour, so Merlin pushed him back, wondering what was going on. But Arthur’s pupils weren’t blown, so he couldn’t be drunk or under the effect of a love potion. He wasn’t behaving like an idiot; he seemed to be terrified, and he didn’t remove his hand from Merlin’s face even when Merlin roughly pushed him away.

“Don’t leave,” Arthur begged.

“I don’t know—” he began, but he was silenced with another kiss.

This time, he didn’t let himself be surprised and broke away from Arthur instantly, refusing to allow the situation to escalate.

“What are you playing at?” he asked, irritated.

His heart was beating so quickly that he was sure it was going to beat its way right out of his chest. The laces on Arthur’s nightgown had loosened, allowing him to see more than he wanted. His hands were tingling, but none of this belonged to him, and he’d known that since the moment he’d arrived in Camelot.

“Morgana brought about a dream,” Arthur informed him, and all of a sudden, his eyes seemed wet.

If Merlin didn’t know any better, he would have thought that the wetness was tears.

“Morgana what?” he asked, surprised.

“I let her,” Arthur said. “I told her to,” he amended, tightening his grip on Merlin’s shoulders so much that Merlin was sure that he’d find bruises on them tomorrow. “I saw… I saw you die,” Arthur admitted.

Merlin swallowed audibly.

“What happens in Morgana’s dreams doesn’t have to come true. And they don’t say when something will happen,” he informed Arthur, but it didn’t seem to calm him down at all.

He didn’t want to think about what it meant that Arthur had run across the whole castle to get to him, not even bothering to put on a proper tunic or shoes.

“I don’t care when it happens!” Arthur shouted. “I don’t want… I don’t want you to leave. I don't want to spend another day without you. This month was hell,” he continued. “You’re right. You don’t know how to do anything. You’re the worst servant I’ve ever had, and the treaty with the Druids won’t allow you to become my Court Sorcerer, but you can’t leave. Morgana said that you love me… that you love me, because no-one else would put up with how I treat you and keep saving my life. I don’t know if it’s true, but if it is, you can’t leave me,” Arthur informed him, tightening his grip on Merlin’s shoulders even more. Merlin hadn’t thought it possible for his grip to get any stronger.

Still, his body had become completely unfeeling the moment he’d comprehended what Arthur was saying. The desperation with which Arthur was holding onto him didn’t allow him to focus. Merlin had never seen him so scared, so openly terrified, and he didn’t know how to react.

“You can’t…” he began, because just like his own words back in the cave, Arthur’s were a hit below the belt. Apparently, Arthur was returning the favour. “That dream doesn’t matter. You’re not a seer. It could have been a regular dream,” he said, trying to calm down.

Arthur shook him and looked at him, irritated.

“You don’t understand. I don’t care if the dream was real or not. It was just supposed to help me realise something,” Arthur growled. “And you can’t leave,” he informed Merlin, swallowing hard.

He must have been beginning to calm down, because his cheeks reddened. Maybe he’d realised that he was almost naked and the two of them were so close to each other that there was little left for Merlin to see. Their earlier kisses had left Arthur’s lips swollen, and Merlin couldn’t get them out of his head.

Arthur finally let go of him, and Merlin thought Arthur would get off his bed entirely, but Arthur’s thumb caressed his cheekbone. They looked at each other for what seemed like an eternity.

“Stay,” Arthur pleaded, before leaning down to make their lips meet.

Merlin let himself be kissed, softly and with no desperation, and this time, when they broke apart, he blinked, surprised that Arthur could be so gentle.

“You said that if I love you… That means… You’re saying that you…” he began, but trailed off.

Stammering so much probably wasn’t making a good impression.

Arthur nodded as though he was answering an unasked question, and that damn fear appeared on his face once again. He hated seeing that uncertainty in Arthur’s expression. It never meant anything good, and it unnerved him.

“I love you, too,” Merlin said quickly.

~oOo~

When they finally lay down in his bed and Merlin covered them with the counterpane, Arthur clung to him tightly, as though he was afraid that he would wake up tomorrow and Merlin would be gone. Gaius had moved to stand in the doorway of his room and was looking at him pointedly. Their night guest must have given him a fright, too. Arthur had looked as though he’d seen a ghost. And maybe a future without Camelot really wouldn’t be that great. Merlin instinctively felt that his place was here.

Arthur, however, was holding onto him so tightly that only one thought came to mind.

“I’ll talk to Morgana about her prophetic dreams tomorrow,” he sighed.

Gaius smiled softly, then closed the door.


End file.
